


Breath In

by SpaceAsthmatic



Category: TOLKIEN J. R. R. - Works & Related Fandoms
Genre: Anger, Angst, F/M, Guilt, Hurt/Comfort, Panic Attacks, Poor Legolas feels so bad, Shame
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-19
Updated: 2018-08-19
Packaged: 2019-06-29 21:45:57
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,069
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15737940
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SpaceAsthmatic/pseuds/SpaceAsthmatic
Summary: "He could not recall what route they had taken home, nor how long it took them to get here. He sat numbly on his horse, staring forward. Wallowing in the cloud of silence and grief that had descended on his patrol. Just doing his best to remember how to breathe." ( No character death, very slight romance)





	Breath In

He could not recall what route they had taken home, nor how long it took them to get here. He sat numbly on his horse, staring forward. Wallowing in the cloud of silence and grief that had descended on his patrol. Just doing his best to remember how to breathe.

Breath in. Breath out.

Several of his friends had attempted to accompany him inside and to his father. But he had stopped them with a shake of his head, not willing or not able to speak yet. Then he swept inside, alone.

Breath in. Breath out.

Hollow bones made a hollow echoing down the long halls to his father's study. Those he met along the way averted their gaze and lowered their heads. He knew the news was already spreading of what had happened.

Breath in. Breath out.

He did not knock, just opened the door and walked in. Gaze still staringly almost unwaveringly forward. Galion stood near his father looking distressed and concerned. His father appeared as if he would speak, but stopped once he saw his son's face.

Breath in.

"We lost. I ordered it, and we lost."

Breath out.

His voice sounded lost even to his own ears but he did not care enough to repeat himself. His father already knew what happened, hearing it again would not do either of them any good. His father made as it to take a step forward and towards his son, who found himself backing away mechanically.

Breath in. Breath out.

"Please don't"

He knew the words had stung his father, rejecting the comfort he yearned to give. He could not deal with comfort right now. Could not deal with the loss right now. Not in front of him. So he turned away from his father, and made his way down a far less popular corridor.

Breath in. Breath out.

It was getting harder to breathe again. His throat was tight with his grief and shame, and he could barely swallow over the lump that had formed there. His room was too far, he wouldn't be able to make it there. Not without being stopped.

Breath in.

Breathe out.

Down. Down he would go. He descended the first staircase he could find, and continued downwards from there. He felt and saw the tears forming in his eyes, and tried to will them away. His throat was nearly choking him.

Breath in. Breath out.

They sounded more like gasps than breaths. The tears blinding him. He needed to get off the stairwell. Needed somewhere people wouldn't see him. They couldn't see him.

Breath in. Breath in.

Breath out.

As soon as his foot touched the landing he nearly threw himself in the nearest crevice he could find.

Breath in. Breath out.

He leaned his head against the cool wall, eyes scrunching shut. Tears still rained, and his ears held echoes of the battle. Of the slaughter.

Breath in. Breath out.

He couldn't get it to stop.

Breath in. Breath out.

It needed to stop.

Breath in. Breath out.

His fist slammed against the wall harder than he had hit any being before. The voices and screams couldn't be heard over the pounding of his knuckles against the stone. The rage burned them out.

Again and again and again he struck the stone.

Breath in. Breath out.

More sobs escaped him against his will, and he leaned against the wall once more, forehead pressed against the cool rock. Hands dripping blood. He did not notice

Breath in. Breath out.

He lowered, or collapsed to the ground. His back sliding down it swiftly, slamming him into the ground.

Breath in. Breath out.

He had not felt grief like this since the loss of his mother. And even now, it seemed his heart hurt more.

Breath in. Breath out.

There was no way to express this pain. His body did not know how to do it.

Breath in. Breath out.

He slid closer to the ground, unable to support himself. He laid on his side, nearly a ball.

He couldn't breath in.

He couldn't stop crying.

He couldn't breath out.

He couldn't do this.

He couldn't breath in.

He couldn't come back from this.

He couldn't breath out.

"Legolas!" Somebody fell to the ground next to him. Hands reached for him, not his father's hands, slender ones that were soft against his skin.

Breath in.

She lifted him partly upright, throwing her arms around him and pulling him close. He had rejected his father's comfort, could not look at a soldier as good as he and tell him what he had done. What lives were lost because of him.

Breath out.

Concerned green eyes stared into his, searching for any sign of recognition. These eyes would not judge him, he was not ashamed to look into these eyes.

Breath in.

"It hurts"

Breath out.

A hand smoothed his hair off his face, away from where it stuck to the tears. "I know"

Breath in.

He scrunched his eyes close again, and resisted the urge to slam his hands into the ground. He knew he had already broken something. He needed his hands to protect his home. Every inch of him hurt. His heart hurt. His lungs cried out with every breath. Every limb, every part of him was like lead.

Breath in.

"Don't leave."

Breath out.

She held him closer, as the sobs returned with his breaths. "I won't."

Breath in. Breath out.

Breath in. Breath out

Breath in. Breath out.

He did not know how he had gotten to that remote place of the stronghold, nor did he know the route he had taken to get there. He did not know how she had found him, nor how she knew he needed her.

Two breaths in. Two breaths out.

He did not know how long they had sat there, on the ground. But he did know that she did not leave him, not once. Her breaths helped him time his own. Force his own.

Two breaths in. Two breaths out.

Some of the pain was gone. But most remained, the grief and the shame remained. But he no longer felt as if it would be the end of him, swallow him up like some starved creature who hadn't been fed in months.

Two breaths in. Two breaths out.

It was easier to keep a heart beating with two breaths, instead of one.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading I hope you enjoyed it, Would love to hear from you!!


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